It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
