a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
