I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
