Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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