I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
