I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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