dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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