i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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