Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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