I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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