Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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