he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
