This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
