This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
