Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
