stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
