You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
