I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
