she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
