I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
