Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up backwards on a recliner
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
