On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
