I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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