i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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