so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
