Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
