I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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