I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
