im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
