Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you will always have a special place in my vag
i came on her dog
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
