dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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