That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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