you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
