I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
