JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
