i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He felt like a one man threesome
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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