I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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