super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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