If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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