the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
