3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
