Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i think my cat just said my name.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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