Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
