who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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