My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
