this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
