I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
