I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
