I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
