the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
