The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He felt like a one man threesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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