You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just want nice things and good sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
